Three months ago I told Carlin that I’d bought two and a half hours of tantric massage and I was going to blog about it. There were no available times until October, so of course I forgot.
Until two days ago… when I had just gotten my period… great!
I tried calling the place but couldn’t get through. I ended up going as scheduled, hoping he’d go through with it since my period makes me even more sexually responsive. The “he” in this little story is Bille the owner of the clinic. He said he was fine with it as long as I wasn’t bleeding heavy.
We sat down and talked a little about what a tantra massage is and why I’d come. He reassured me that there was nothing to be nervous about – that it’s very normal to have butterflies and I just needed to try to relax. Suddenly, I felt a little abnormal for not having butterflies in my stomach…then Bille told me the most important thing of it all: ”Try keeping your mind on the pressure I’m putting on your body. If you let your thoughts run, you’re going to miss the entire experience.” He was right…in my mind I was already writing this blog… I needed to focus!
After removing my tampon and feeling a little anxious about bleeding on the white sheets, I was left alone in the room with the massage couch. I undressed and got comfortable on the couch lying on my stomach with a sheet over me. The couch had a heater in it and there was soft, meditative music playing. I was pretty relaxed!
Bille entered the room and asked me if I was comfortable “Very much so”. He then removed the sheet I had over me and placed warm towels all over my body. Every time Bille moved, he made sure to let a hand on my body tell me where he was. Even though I was relaxed, I kept recalling his words of “no running thoughts”… stop blogging!
The sheet was covering my body but removed from one of my legs. Warm oil was poured over me… it felt so nice. Then the massage started. First on my calf, then moving up to my thigh and then came the first thing that made this a full body massage… literally. Bille’s hands massaged my inner thigh all the way up which means that he actually touched my outer labia. It felt great and I ignored the thoughts of “shouldn’t this be a lover’s job…?”. Then it was time for my buttocks to be massaged, and my butt hole wasn’t going to be left out. Bille slid his hands over it, but it’s such an infrequent place to be touched. I was even more relaxed… but thoughts that need to be ignored kept running through my head.
My back, my arms, and my fingers were next. Then came the hardest part which is turning my body over so I was on my back. I had a blanket under my head so I was very comfortable. Now on my back the sheet was folded down to expose my breasts. I got a little concerned about having my breasts massaged since that’s normally my “Okay, I’m turned on now”-button. But I forget all about that when Bille started on my stomach. There are so many receptive parts around my hips and lower stomach. The breast massage was amazing.
The front of my legs were massaged and the sheet was on again. Bille asked me if I wanted to continue. Yes, please. He started on my stomach and then moved down. I actually thought he was going to go straight for massaging my vulva, but no. I thought: “Oh, he’s lost”… but no, not really. He used his thumb and index finger to massage my outer labia, then my inner labia. I didn’t feel turned on, though it’s a nice spot for a massage… but then came the vulva massage…now I was turned on. Or maybe ‘turned on’ isn’t the word. It’s another kind of turned on than when I’ve been with a sex partner. I have to say that Bille knows his spots, and yes, I was overly relaxed and sensitive. An orgasm was making its way through my body…
And then the thoughts came: “so does this mean that I’m paying this very friendly man to make me come? I can’t help but think that this is probably the closest I’ll ever get to prostitution!” The approaching orgasm vanished…I decided that having an orgasm wasn’t an option!
Bille – who definitely felt something coming – told me to breathe in deeply: “All the way to your stomach.” The fact that I could tell from his voice that he wasn’t turned on made it all seem fine…
It was the most relaxed orgasm I’ve ever had. It wasn’t a through the roof orgasm, but my entire body was stimulated with no tension or pressure in it. Betty would have been proud! Then suddenly I found it all quite comical… just having orgasmed in the company of a complete stranger (well, you might say, I’ve done that before…). I started laughing which then turned into tears!? I was so relaxed and touched that tears started pouring out of my eyes. My first crygasm!! I instantly think of Marisa Black in the latest Bodysex Group! I couldn’t stop crying when she had her crygasm. Bille put his hand on my upper chest and that was just what I needed. I put my hands on his and slowly the tears stopped.
Then I got to relax a little longer and take my time finding my way out of the room. Taking off the wet blindfold – I was stunned a bit by the dim lights. I took a deep breath and smiled… what a trip!
Afterwards Bille and I sat down again to talk. He told me to drink a lot of water and expect a reaction from this during the next couple of days. It could be anything from crying to being more energetic, having great sex or leaving your boy/girlfriend…
I thanked Bille and headed out the door with a smile, but as I got on my bike I had this feeling of guilt and shame…a feeling that I rarely have anymore. I forgave myself for comparing this experience to a form of prostitution… the closest I’ll ever been to paying for sex…
Still, the feeling stuck with me and it stayed there… until I had to pee. As I sat down and relaxed, the feeling of satisfaction and truly being relaxed is so overwhelming that my shame vanished…